


Rose-Colored Boy

by melancholymango



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depression, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hunk and Pidge Making Mean Jokes, Hurt/Comfort, I would say that they're out of character but ArE tHey?, Insecure Lance (Voltron), M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), Post-Season/Series 06, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-24 15:23:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15633420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melancholymango/pseuds/melancholymango
Summary: “I missed you, you know.”“Yeah?” Lance sighed, warm and giddy, clearly not absorbing how serious the words truly were. Keith nodded his head for a few seconds, not trusting himself to speak around the size of his emotions. He was suddenly brought back to the years alone on the whale, when all he’d had to keep him going was memories of his friends, of Lance.“Yeah.” Keith said, more certainty in his voice now. He reached down, hesitantly threading his fingers through Lance’s and giving his hand a squeeze. Lance tensed next to him. “I still do.”“I mean, I’m right here.”“Are you? You still seem pretty far away.”





	Rose-Colored Boy

**Author's Note:**

> hello, my dearest comrades, whether you're an optimistic or pessimistic klancer... this time tomorrow if you don't like the new season, come back to this fic and just pretend it's canon. I know that's what i'm gonna do.

Distantly, Lance could hear the others discussing something through the comms. He figured if it was urgent they’d be speaking a little louder, so he continued to ignore them in favor of staring out into space. They’d been traveling in their lions for days now, the expanses of stars and comets was all becoming a blur, like trees when you sped by in a fast-moving car. It was hard to believe that these were the things that had fascinated him so much as a child, now it seemed so bland.

Then again, everything was feeling that way as of late.

It didn’t really make sense to him, how his life suddenly seemed leached of color. All of the things that’d excited him before, made him eager to get out of bed and start each day, now felt unimportant. He couldn’t bring himself to care about them no matter how he tried. He felt awful about it too, blamed himself for not trying harder.

The universe couldn’t afford for him to be so off in his mind all the time, he needed to stay focused.

“Lance?” Hunk’s voice filtered over the comms, a little louder than the others. Lance blinked himself back into reality, sitting up from where he’d hunched down in his chair.

“Hm?”

“We were talking about stopping for the night and looking for some actual food, are you interested or would you rather keep eating those stale rations we keep in our lions?”

“Whatever works best for everyone else.” Lance said dismissively, fidgeting with his hands. He couldn’t really pinpoint why, but the fact that all the others were listening to him speak right now over the comms was deeply unsettling. He was used to background chatter, to being talked over, this was almost unfamiliar to him. “It doesn’t matter to me.”

“Wow, I never thought I’d see the day Lance wouldn’t have an opinion on something.” Pidge snickered almost immediately, earning a few chuckles out of the others. Lance forced a breathless sort of laugh past his lips, shrugging his shoulders.

“You’re not wrong, usually he’s the one begging us to stop somewhere.”

“Guess my stomach is too full of stale crackers to even think about anything else.” Lance hummed, eager for the conversation to draw to a close no matter where they were headed next. He just needed to keep moving forward, to not think about where he was for too long.

“Lance, you better not have eaten them all! Those are supposed to last us most of the journey, you pig!”

“ _Woops_. I think I have enough kicking around here, I’ll be more careful from now on. ” It was only after the words had left his mouth that he realized how humorless they’d been. He paused, biting the inside of his cheek and hesitating for a second, to see if anyone else had noticed how lifeless his voice was just then. He was terrified of them noticing, of them asking him about, probing for answers and forcing him to talk. At the same time, a little feeble hope burned bright in his chest that one of them might, as much as he’d hate it.

No one said anything. No one noticed. No one cared.

Now was when they decided to change the topic.

“Alright, I’m going to link our tracking systems. A planet will appear on your screens in a tick, that’s where we’re stopping for the night.” Pidge explained, followed by the rapid clicking of their fingers moving over the buttons.

“So, who wants to continue our game of twenty questions? I believe it’s working as a great impromptu bonding exercise!” Allura suggested happily. When the others gave their approval, Allura paused for a second before starting. “Um, Lance? Are you gonna play this time?”

“Nah, I’ll pass.” Lance said easily, suddenly feeling a lump in his throat. It was almost worse, having someone be nice to him right now. He couldn’t handle it.

“Come on, Lance, you can’t just sit there and eavesdrop the whole time!” Pidge groaned. Before Lance could even attempt to explain himself and apologize, they continued speaking. “Then again, normally you never stop talking about yourself, so maybe we should count this as the blessing it surely is. We probably know the answers to any questions we could ask you anyway.”

“Yeah, probably.” Lance agreed, hurriedly reaching to turn off his comms. If Pidge thought it was to prove he wasn’t eavesdropping, that would be fine. In reality, he didn’t want them to overhear the choked sort-of noises leaving his lips as he struggled to keep tears at bay. Tears he didn’t even truly understand why he was so tempted to cry in the first place.

He was frustrated with himself, angry at the world, at all of his friends. But more than that, he felt hollow, like someone had scooped out all the important parts of him and left just the shell. He didn’t even have the energy to feel his emotions wholly anymore, so instead he went numb.

He just wanted to take a nap.

\--

It wasn’t easy integrating back into the team after spending so much time away. Keith felt incredibly out of place at first, after the adrenaline of the battle wore-off and they were forced to just exist near each other. They had so many questions for him, he felt like he should have things to ask them. It was hard to grasp that barely any time had passed here by comparison, when he felt like he’d aged a lifetime while he was gone.

He’d changed a lot too, something the others still seemed to be coming to grips with. He couldn’t really blame them, but that didn’t make it any less uncomfortable when he’d catch them staring, shooting him weird looks whenever he’d say something serious. Of course he wasn’t the same hothead from before, he’d had years to sort-out his problems with a good support system and a peaceful environment.

He’d grown up a lot. He suddenly understood the tired sighs and pained looks Shiro would give the team whenever they acted out of line.

But out of all the people Keith would have expected to find more childish and annoying now, Lance didn’t fit the bill at all. If anything, he seemed more mature than anyone else on the team. While Pidge and Hunk were making childish jokes through the comms, constantly picking fun at the other team members, complaining about the long trip… Lance was silent. Eerily silent, Keith thought, but no one else seemed to think so. No one else even seemed to be aware of his presence.

Before, Lance had always been the biggest and brightest presence in every room, a true attention grabber. Keith had been drawn to him like a moth to a flame because of this, even if he’d been flustered and defensive before. The time on his own had done him good in that regard too, he finally understood his feelings for Lance and knew better than to fight them every step of the way.

It was just, well, right now there wasn’t even anything to fight. Lance was existing so damn quietly Keith couldn’t even make sense of his own emotions, let alone Lance’s. Only a few weeks had passed here, surely something groundbreaking must have happened to have Lance act so differently? The others had filled him in on the basics, but he still couldn’t make sense of it.

Keith figured what made the most sense was going straight to the source of the problem and looking for his answers there. Before he probably would have dreaded it, allowed his nerves to talk him out of it before he even tried, but now he just charged ahead anyway.

“Have any of you seen Lance? We should probably tell him that the food is ready.” Keith said, addressing the group settled around the makeshift table. Pidge looked over at him, eyebrows pinched together when they realized Keith hadn’t even finished his meal yet and was already trying to leave.

“Didn’t he say he wasn’t hungry?”

“I mean, yeah, but he might have changed his mind.” Keith explained, reaching down to give his wolf a scratch on the head. Kosmo’s tail thumped happily against the ground. The rest of the table had gone back to eating, no one making any effort to address the question. “So… no one noticed where he went?”

“Nope.” Hunk answered, shrugging his shoulders and going right back to his meal. Keith nodded, frowning slightly as he got up and turned away from the table. He couldn’t understand the lack of concern everyone else was showing. Lance wasn’t acting like himself, you’d think they’d be more wary of that sort-of thing after the whole clone disaster.

He trudged off into the tree line, softly urging Kosmo to try and track the other boy down. The wolf seemed to understand what he was suggesting, putting his nose to the ground and stumbling blindly ahead. Keith followed closely, until the trees started to thin and he could hear running water. He grabbed Kosmo then, ordering him to sit while he surveyed the area.

Sure enough, there was a small river trickling through the forest. Beside it, Keith made out the shadow of a person, sitting on the river’s edge and splashing their feet in the water. Keith felt like shouting, a surge of protectiveness run through him seeing Lance playing with alien substances so haphazardly. Didn’t he realize how dangerous that could be by now?!

Keith ignored his base instinct to run out there and intervene, instead continuing to watch the other boy in silence. Lance looked so small, sitting there in the moonlight, curled in on himself. Keith would have stayed like that longer, simply taking in the situation and trying to read how Lance was feeling, but Kosmo was growing antsy next to him. He’d started to whimper and whine, enough to draw Lance’s attention in their direction.

“Is someone there?”

“Just me.” Keith called out, quick to reassure Lance the moment he heard the worry in his voice. Keith stumbled out of the trees, cursing under his breath when he tripped over a root.

“Oh.” Lance nodded, looking back to the water. Keith didn’t miss the way he subtly drew his legs up underneath himself, hiding the fact he’d been touching the water-like substance. Keith rolled his eyes in the darkness, settling on the ground next to Lance.

An awkward silence stretched on, the both of them staring at the moving river. Eventually, Lance turned to him with a confused look. “Did you need me for something?”

“Nah, we’re pretty much just resting until tomorrow.” Keith explained, shaking his head. Lance only looked more puzzled by this, like the idea of Keith sitting next to him unwarranted was an unfathomable one, so Keith tried to make an excuse. “The food is ready, are you gonna have any?”

“I’m good.” Lance answered immediately, shaking his head.

Keith floundered as his best attempt at a conversation starter crashed and burned, leaving them right back where they’d started. He sat there with a puzzled expression, trying to figure out what he could say that might hype Lance up a little bit. His eyes looked so empty right now, glassy and faraway, void of the usual passion Keith was so fond of seeing there.

When Keith failed to come up with anything on his own, Lance eventually spoke up on his own. He was playing with the strands of grass on either side of him, tugging them out of the ground and wrapping them around his fingers. “There’s not a lot to go around, I don’t really wanna cost anyone else their share.”

It was said absentmindedly, as it if it were totally unimportant. Keith couldn’t ignore his immediate reaction this time, the urge to protect almost suffocating him now.

“Lance, if we run out of food we’ll get more. You don’t have to skip meals for anyone else’s sake. You need to take care of yourself too, if anything happens out here we need you in your best shape.”

“I know that, I’m just not really hungry so no use wasting it.” Lance explained shortly, like Keith was only annoying him by caring. Keith sat back, wondering if he was coming across too much like Shiro. He’d had his fair share of lectures in his lifetime, but he wasn’t here to try and lecture Lance.

He turned to the other boy, only to find Lance with his head tipped back and eyes staring longingly toward the sky overhead. Keith wondered if he was already eager to leave again, if it pained him resting for the night instead of flying, knowing how close they were to going home. This was what he’d been waiting for all along, wasn’t it? Of course he was eager to get back.

“You must be excited.” Keith spoke softly, tentative as to how his words made impact Lance. For the most part, Lance didn’t even seem to notice. He looked distracted, like his thoughts were in an entirely different place. Keith wished he could follow him there too, anything to find out what was so wrong all of the sudden.

“Hm?”

“Going back to Earth. Home.” Keith elaborated. He waited with bated breath for Lance’s face to light up, for his teeth to flash in a dazzling smile as he got ready to talk about his family. It was a failsafe, it always worked no matter what. Except this time it didn’t, Lance’s faraway expression didn’t change in the slightest, and Keith felt the desperation in his chest climb a little higher.

“Oh, right.” Lance mumbled, shrugging his shoulders. “I guess. It’ll be nice. As long as the Galra didn’t get there first. With our luck they probably have, though.”

The grim outlook would have been bad enough on its own, but the way Lance talked about the Galra destroying Earth as if it were a mild inconvenience instead of soul-shattering… something was deeply wrong and Keith was sure of it. Even if the rest of the team had failed to notice it yet, he was going to figure it out now. He only wished he could have gotten here sooner.

“Did something happen while I was gone? You’re… different.” Keith whispered, leaning forward into Lance’s line of sight when the other boy refused to look at him. Keith just barely caught the flash of annoyance that crossed Lance’s features before it was effortlessly wiped away, replaced with a mockery of the boy’s usual smile.

“That’s _rich_ coming from you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if we ignore the obvious like your mark and the fangs,” Lance explained, lifting his hand and counting the list off on his fingers. Keith caught his lips twitching and tried to hold the smile at bay. He didn’t want to allow Lance to change the topic so easily, but damn was it hard not to go along with it now that Lance was finally talking in full sentences. “you found your long-lost mother, adopted a wolf, and grew like an entire foot. I look like a shrimp next to you now.”

“Implying you ever looked like anything else?” Keith responded, light and playful, just like how their banter used to be. Lance didn’t rise to the challenge like usual, instead he froze like a deer in headlights and went quiet. Keith panicked. “Besides, those are all physical things, that’s not really what I’m talking about. You’re so quiet.”

“Mm, I bet you’re reveling in that.” Lance laughed, the noise tinny. Keith shook his head.

“Not… really.” He said, fidgeting with his hands. “It’s sort-of unsettling, if I’m being honest. You’re giving me the creeps.”

“Sorry.”

“No, no, I’m not trying to accuse you of anything. You have nothing to apologize for.” Keith insisted, stumbling over his words in his rush to get them out. “I’m just curious what brought that on. Did I miss something while I was gone? The others tried to fill me in, but maybe they forgot to tell me something important?”

“Nothing important. It’s not worth worrying over.” Lance dismissed quickly, grabbing a rock and tossing it into the river in front of them. Keith watched as it splashed through the surface, sinking heavily into the darkness beneath. His frown deepened. “What about you, huh? You’re not exactly loud either, not like you used to be. You’re calmer, more reserved, like a little Shiro clone. Oh God, don’t tell me Haggar got to you too!”

Keith saw through it easily enough, the way that Lance was desperately trying to divert attention from himself, even if it meant forcing himself to make a joke out of it. Keith decided to take pity on him and let it go for now, with the knowledge that he’d certainly be spending more time trying to figure it out later.

“I’m _not_ a Shiro clone.” Keith huffed. “I’m just… okay. I spent my entire life searching for a place where I belonged, a purpose, all the pieces of the puzzle to figure out who I was. Now I have everything I need, I don’t have to worry about all of that like I used to. I can just be me.”

“Wow, you should host a Ted Talk or something.”

“Fuck off.” Of all the things Keith had said, this seemed to get through to Lance the most. He giggled, glancing over at Keith with that same playful glint in his eyes from before, the one Keith had missed desperately ever since the day he left for the Blades. He laughed along with Lance, desperate to keep the moment going for as long as possible.

They ended up leaning into each other for support, shoulders pressed close together. As they quieted down, Keith eyed Lance’s hand where it’d landed in the dirt between them. “I missed you, you know.”

“Yeah?” Lance sighed, warm and giddy, clearly not absorbing how serious the words truly were. Keith nodded his head for a few seconds, not trusting himself to speak around the size of his emotions. He was suddenly brought back to the years alone on the whale, when all he’d had to keep him going was memories of his friends, of Lance.

“Yeah.” Keith said, more certainty in his voice now. He reached down, hesitantly threading his fingers through Lance’s and giving his hand a squeeze. Lance tensed next to him. “I still do.”

“I mean, I’m right here.”

“Are you? You still seem pretty far away.”

“I’m gonna call it a night.” Lance explained hurriedly, getting to his feet. Keith reluctantly let his hand go, offering a quiet goodnight as Lance disappeared from his view. Beside him, Kosmo let out a pathetic whimper, no doubt planning on chasing after his new friend. Keith settled a hand on his head to wordlessly tell him to stay put.

Chasing after Lance and trying to force him to open up would only drive him further away.

\--

Lance sat alone in Red’s cockpit, sprawled out across the pilot’s seat. There was no point retiring to his bunk, he knew he wouldn’t be able to get any sleep even if he tried. Besides, tonight was one of the rare nights that he didn’t have any extra passengers camping out in his lion and he wanted to take advantage of that. Since this road trip had started, he hadn’t gotten much time alone with himself.

He had a lot to think about after his conversation with Keith. Before Keith had left for the Blades, Lance had been lost as to what their relationship was anymore. They weren’t rivals, they weren’t really just partners on the team, and even friends had started to seem like it didn’t fit just right. Keith never led the way though, never made any suggestions, so Lance kept his expectations low. But Keith had just held his hand, had looked into his eyes so fondly, it was impossible for that not to be somewhat romantic, right?

More than that, though. Lance was thinking about what Keith had said, about how he could just be himself now. Lance had felt an envy so intense it was blinding, hearing Keith talk about how happy he was. As much as he was relieved to see Keith doing so well, it also reared an ugly amount of jealousy in his head. He wanted that so badly. So badly it hurt.

“Red? Do you think… there’s something I need to find?” Lance whispered, picking at his nails. He had no idea how late it was, only that hours had passed and he hadn’t slept at all. His mind was moving too fast, running over thoughts on hyperspeed. “I always thought I knew who I was and where I belonged, but if that’s the case then why am I still so sad?”

The question went unanswered, echoing around the empty lion and bouncing off the walls back at him sharply. Lance curled up, hugging his legs to his chest and resting his chin on his knees, willing himself to cry. It wasn’t the normal kind of sad where the emotion was overwhelming, where he would break under the weight of it. It was deep-rooted in his chest, impossible to ignore and impossible to cry away, just a dull reminder at all times that something wasn’t right.

“I’m going back home and I’m not even excited, what’s _wrong_ with me?” Lance choked out, swiping his sleeve across his cheeks. He’d never felt so alone in his life, like he couldn’t even keep his own company because he didn’t know who he was anymore.

He was in the middle of his fifth cry of the night when a shudder wracked the metal frame of the lion, a loud thud against the side of it sounding loudly inside the cockpit. Lance sniffled, wiping his face clean and staring toward the door.

“Lance! Wake up!” They shouted, straight to the point, utterly uncaring. Lance should be used to it by now, you would think he’d have gotten the memo that this was a war, that he was a soldier before a friend.

He got to his feet, cleaned himself up, and headed toward the door. He rubbed at his eyes as he walked down the ramp, pretending he’d been asleep.

“Are we leaving already? I barely even slept.” Lance yawned loudly for good measure, hoping the act was believable. Finally, he cracked an eye open to stare down the ramp. His sleepy act was forgotten the moment he saw who it was standing in front of him. He blinked. “Keith?”

“I’m sorry if I woke you, you can go back to bed if you want to.” Keith said, rubbing his hands together in front of himself to try and stave off the early morning chill. Lance stared blankly at him, confused to his core why Keith was standing at his door this early if it wasn’t an emergency. It just didn’t add up.

Keith must have caught on to his confusion, as he started to fumble through an explanation. “I was just thinking we could go on a morning hike and check out the sunset. I know we’ve seen a hundred different ones from a hundred different planets, but the colors on this planet are pretty cool.”

“What time is it?” Lance groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. “You want to go hiking _right now_?”

“Yeah.” Keith nodded, looking up at Lance hopefully. Beside him, Kosmo perked up right along with his master, obviously eager to get going. Lance huffed out a disbelieving laugh, wondering how insane he had to be to actually consider this offer.

Keith faltered, unable to read Lance’s expression. “Do you… not?”

“You didn’t have a lot to do to pass time on the space whale, did you?” Lance teased, walking down the ramp to stand in front of Keith. He tucked his hands into his pockets, wondering if he was going to regret this decision come an hour from now. “I guess you lived in a desert shack before that, so this isn’t exactly anything new. You should get a normal people hobby, like video games, or scrapbooking.”

“Are you coming or not?” Keith grumbled, staring toward the ground. Now this was the Keith that Lance remembered, shining through the cracks. Stubborn, defensive, and adorably grumpy. Like a cat.

“ _I guess_.” Lance sighed out, long and dramatic. Keith lit up immediately, any of the annoyance he’d been feeling disappearing. He looked shocked, like he’d been fully prepared for Lance to stand there and brutally reject him. It seemed totally farfetched to Lance, but then again Keith didn’t know him quite so well.

The hike itself was miserable. Lance immediately regretted his decision to come along and he voiced as much as loudly as possible. The lions were hardly out of sight when he started to whine and by the time they were halfway there, Keith was starting to snap back at him like they used to. It was oddly… cathartic. Lance had really missed this, as it turned out.

“Are we almost there?” Lance warbled, as he walked through another space spider web and began to gag all over again. Beside him, Keith chuckled at his misery.

“Not even close.” He confirmed Lance’s fears, offering him a hand as they started to trudge through slippery rock terrain. Keith clearly had no idea where there end destination was, was probably just enjoying tugging Lance along through the hellscape of the planet.

“The others are gonna wonder where we are.” Lance tried this, wondering if maybe he could guilt Keith into heading back early. Keith didn’t even look at him this time, just continued on in a straight line. Lance dug his nails into Keith’s knuckles where their hands were locked. “My legs _hurt_.”

At this, Keith did pause. Ahead of them, the wolf plopped into the dirt and waited for them to start moving again.

Keith turned to face Lance, giving him a quick once-over as if to make sure he wasn’t actually physically deteriorating like he seemed to think he was. He reached behind himself then, grabbing a water bottle off his pack and holding it out to Lance. Begrudgingly, Lance accepted and took a few sips, glaring at Keith all the while. Keith stared blankly back at him, unimpressed.

“Do you want me to carry you?” Keith asked, while Lance was in the middle of chugging down a mouthful of water. Immediately, he spat that out, spraying it all across Keith’s front.

“No!” Lance hissed, positively disgusted by how not disgusting he found that idea. Keith groaned at him, gesturing in exasperation to his soaked shirt. Lance shrugged indifferently and tossed his water bottle back, knowing full-well Keith would get his revenge later. They were starting to slip back into their old dynamic and Lance was finding it fun to have someone he could mess around with like this.

Finally, after what Lance was convinced was hours of walking, they found themselves at the top of a small hill. A few large rocks at the top served as nice seats for them to settle down in as the sun started to really rise high into the sky, vivid colors bleeding out from it.

Lance, ever the instigator, let out a grunt of disappointment. “Is this it?”

“Yeah.” Keith breathed, his voice filled with awe. Lance paused, realizing that Keith wasn’t going to try and fight him. He was just staring up at the sky, truly drinking in the view. He looked so content, so blissed out and happy to be there, that Lance couldn’t help but take a second glance and try harder to appreciate it himself. “Come on, admit it. It’s nice.”

“It’s okay.” Lance relented, just a little bit. It was pretty nice, after all.

They stayed just like that until the sun was high in the sky above their heads, resting side-by-side on two large rocks. Kosmo rested at their feet, snoring loudly and ruining the perfect atmosphere… or maybe adding to it, Lance wasn’t entirely sure. It was almost too good to be true.

It was definitely too good to be true.

Lance’s mind began to filter through worst case scenarios, places this could possibly go that would ruin it from here. He risked a couple sideways glances at Keith, who seemed totally content to just sit there basking in the moment. The sun was too bright to stare at the sky anymore, so instead he’d taken to stretching out across his respective rock with his eyes closed, positively basking in the warmth.

Lance bit his lip, deciding that if no one else was going to ruin this he’d have to do it himself, so at least it’d be by his own hands. He had a habit of self-sabotaging the rare good things that managed to find him.

“Are you forgetting something?” Lance asked, voice strained. Keith’s eyebrows furrowed together and his nose scrunched up in confusion. Lance looked away the second he opened his eyes, cheeks tinted pink at the thought of being caught staring.

“What?”

“I’m assuming this is some tip you got from Shiro about being a leader? Go off on a bonding journey before delivering a lecture?” Lance said, unable to keep his voice from going a little snarky. Keith turned onto his side, hands tucked under his head so he could stare at Lance. “You gonna tell me that patience yields focus now? That I need to be a better paladin?”

“No.” Keith dismissed the idea like it was ludicrous. Lance faltered, looking over at him despite his promise not to. Direct eye contact with Keith had never been a particularly easy task, and right now it seemed harder than ever. Keith’s dark eyes were searching, imploring as they studied Lance’s face and tried to figure out what was wrong. Lance felt indescribably vulnerable, like Keith could somehow read his mind.

Finally, Keith shook his head and closed his eyes again. “Lance, there’s nothing I need to tell you. I’m just waiting for you to open up to me.”

“Well, you’re gonna be waiting forever.”

“Okay.” Keith snickered, smiling as he rolled back over onto his back. “Take your time.”

Lance spluttered, utterly caught off guard when Keith didn’t even try to fight back. There was none of the usual impatience, the frustration that built the second Lance started to act difficult on purpose. He just let it be, even seemed to relax more against the rock. Lance glared at his peaceful form.

“Look at you, spend a few years on a whale and suddenly you’re one with the universe.” He huffed out, crossing his arms over his chest. Keith sat up then, holding a hand over his eyes to block the sun out as he looked out across the savannah in front of them.

“I’m not one with the universe, I just know how to handle-” Keith trailed off, reaching over to swat at Lance’s shoulder. Lance growled, about to snap at him about how he was definitely not handling things well, when he caught sight of Keith’s wide smile. “Lance.”

“What?”

“Are those people?” Keith asked, pointing toward the horizon. Lance followed his gaze, surprised to see that there was definitely a village of some type in the distance.

“Holy shit, I thought this planet was uninhabited?”

“We should go tell the others.” Keith concluded immediately, starting to get to his feet. He had that concentrated look on his face, the one he always wore when he was trying to be a leader. Lance stared fondly up at him, uncertain if the suggestion bothered him more because he didn’t want the moment to end, or because he wasn’t looking forward to the walk back.

Either way, he hadn’t moved an inch.

“Are you kidding me? We just got here.” He complained loudly, shaking his head. Keith stood beside his rock now, staring expectantly down at him. “If we have to leave right now I really might make you carry me. I’m exhausted, I didn’t sleep at all last night.”

“Wait, what?” Keith asked, his tone suddenly much gentler. Lance bit down on his lips, realizing a little too late what he’d just let slip. Keith had been so overbearing lately, he was definitely about to lose his shit and start demanding answers. “You didn’t sleep?”

“I didn’t feel good.” Lance grit out through his teeth, the oldest not-truth in the book. He refused to look at Keith, though he did try to convey a message of “please don’t ask me what’s wrong” as best he could with body language alone. Finally, Keith heaved a sigh next to him and then sat back down.

“Fine, we can stay here a little while longer.”

“Really?” Lance asked, unable to hide the shock in his voice. Beside him, Keith snorted out a laugh, like Lance was dumb for even asking. Except, for once Lance didn’t feel dumb, not like he did when Pidge and Hunk laughed like that. Instead he felt… cared for.

\--

Eventually, Keith managed to convince Lance to leave his perch on the rocks. It wasn’t an easy task, but when he remembered the food in the bottom of his pack and used it as bribery material, things got a lot easier. The walk back wasn’t nearly as stressful as the walk there, now that they were a little bit better rested.

Lance talked to him as they walked, about stupid things he’d missed while he was away. It was nothing like the business-like briefing the others had given him, it was soft and personal, the kinds of things only Lance would hold onto as important memories. Keith loved it.

Of course, sooner rather than later they made it back to camp and had to tell the others about the civilization they’d discovered. Before they’d really made sense of what was happening they were off to find it, the group traveling in their lions, too tired from the early hour to really chat much over the comms. Once or twice Keith tried to start a conversation with Lance on the public radio, but he wasn’t nearly as talkative now.

The alien people turned out to be friendly, squishy little things. They weren’t entirely unlike the bunny-shaped marshmallow candies, as much as Keith didn’t want to make the connection. It was difficult to take them seriously after that, but he did his best because Shiro kept shooting him dirty looks like he somehow knew where Keith’s mind was at.

“Where are they taking us?” Hunk asked, as the small crew of aliens led them through a series of caves underground. It was no secret that the team was a little antsy about the situation, but no one else had the nerve to speak up yet. As friendly as the people seemed, their lions were still outside and this wasn’t exactly an easy-exit situation.

“My translation is a little patchy where we’ve never met this species before, but I believe we’re going to meet the princess.” Coran explained, grinning widely. Beside him, Allura grinned at the new information.

“Oh, I hope we can establish a lasting relationship. They might even join the coalition!” Allura enthused, mostly to herself. Shiro nodded in agreement, his expression turning into something focused. He looked around the group.

“Everyone be on your best behavior. We don’t know a lot about this species and we don’t want to offend them.”

“You heard him, Lance.” Pidge quipped immediately, winking in his direction. Lance, who had been moving along quietly and minding his own business, flared up at the accusation. He spun around and threw his hands up, looking utterly annoyed. Pidge only snickered at the display.

“What? I’m not even doing anything!”

“Yeah, but we’re going to meet a _princess_ . We _all_ know how you feel about those.” Pidge said snidely, a dark grin on their lips. Keith stumbled over his own feet, eyes wide as he stared toward Lance and waited on the reaction. He even risked a glance at Allura, wondering if she’d overheard. If she did, she was purposely staring straight ahead. He felt confused. Sure, everyone knew how Lance felt for her, but he always thought there was an unspoken agreement not to talk about it.

“Pidge, don’t be mean!” Hunk giggled, slapping at their shoulder. Keith continued to stare toward Keith, waiting for him to snap back at them. The loud screech and vicious argument never came, instead Lance simply hung his head a little lower and continued walking.

“I’ll be sure to keep it under control.” He muttered, low and bitter, poorly concealing his hurt. Keith knew his jaw had gone slack as he watched the ordeal play out, that he was blatantly staring and Shiro had definitely noticed, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about what he looked like right now.

How long had this been going on? Why hadn’t anyone tried to intervene?

He knew that Pidge and Hunk were closer now, but he’d always considered Lance to be a part of their friendship group. They were always a trio in his eyes, not a duo with a third wheel. Yet that was certainly what it looked like now, as they continued to laugh together and Lance shrunk further into himself.

Keith’s hands curled into fists. He was speaking up before he’d even decided what words to use.

“How about you guys watch that you don’t make jokes at the expense of other people while we’re at the meeting, huh? You make the team look worse than anything Lance could do. Grow up!” Keith raised his voice enough to draw the attention of the marshmallow people leading them, and to earn a discreet smack on the back of the head from Shiro. Still, he didn’t regret what he’d said.

Ahead of him, the others had come to a stop. Allura looked confused, Pidge and Hunk were staring at him with blank expressions, and Lance was… annoyed. He was glaring at Keith like he’d been the one to brutally insult him and then laugh at his misery. What the hell?!

“Did Keith just… scold me?” Pidge giggled, walking back to Keith and giving him a playful slap on the shoulder. Keith shrugged away from their touch. “You’re hilarious. Listen, obviously we’re just joking around. Lance knows that. We all know that.”

Keith wanted to argue that it wasn’t as obvious as they seemed to think, but then he caught sight of Lance’s glare again and shut his mouth. He didn’t really understand it, but it was clear that Lance wouldn’t forgive him if he kept fighting this battle for him, even if he didn’t seem too keen on fighting it himself.

They were back on track after that. The others hurried ahead, while Keith fell behind and Shiro kept pace with him. He looked up at Shiro, his eyes wide and expectant. He wanted an explanation on why he hadn’t tried to stand up for Lance, and he expected it to be a damn good one.

Beside him, Shiro ran a hand through his white hair.

“Now you know my pain. Teenagers suck.” Shiro concluded, like that was answer enough. He then sped up, leaving Keith in the dust to jog after them. Stupid Shiro. Ever since he retired as leader he’d turned into a useless mess. Sure, he’d been through a lot, but how could he expect Keith to fix problems like this on his own?!

Thankfully, the meeting wasn’t a trap. There was a genuine marshmallow princess who had genuine intentions to meet with them and discuss boring diplomatic shit. An hour into the ordeal and Keith was almost wishing it’d been a trap, at least then they could have had some excitement in their day. Instead he was forced to listen to the alien talk in a language he didn’t understand, then Coran translating it, and then Allura finally forming her response. He was tired.

He had a notebook in front of him that Shiro had gifted him upon sitting down. He knew it was meant to be so he could take notes, but instead he found himself doodling. At first it was stupid drawings that didn’t really look like much of anything, but eventually his short attention span got the better of him and he found himself looking at Lance. Almost on its own accord, his hand started to sketch out a drawing.

Ten minutes later, Shiro leaned over into his space and gave a curious hum. Keith slammed a hand down over the drawing, hiding it from view and praying it wasn’t too late. He’d just spent two whole minutes drawing and erasing and re-drawing Lance’s lips to be the perfect pout, he was not about to let Shiro see that.

“Whatcha doing?” Shiro hummed, tapping his fingers against the table, his hand sliding ever closer to Keith’s notebook. Keith glared at him, resisting the urge to bare his teeth defensively.

“Sketching.”

“You _should_ be paying attention to the meeting and taking notes.”

“Why would I? I know you’re already doing it.” Keith grumbled, nodding his head toward the notebook in front of Shiro’s seat that was filled with messily scrawled words. Shiro frowned slightly at that, leaning back into his own seat and picking up his pencil. No sooner had Keith started to relax than did Shiro reach over and snatch his damned notebook. Keith couldn’t even put up a fight in fear of making a scene and drawing more attention to them.

So instead he was forced there to sit there in all his embarrassment as Shiro studied the drawing, frequently glancing up at him to smirk.

“ _Keith_.”

“What?” Keith snapped, short and annoyed.

“Is that Lance?” Keith didn’t even have to answer, his death glare really said all there was to be said in that moment. Shiro handed him the notebook back underneath the table, somehow managing to surpress his yelp of pain when Keith responded by stabbing a pencil into his palm. He watched as Shiro brought his hand back up, tending to it with a frown.

Keith thought he was out of the woods then, especially when Shiro went back to writing in his own book and not saying anything more on the matter. He was just starting to zone out again when a shred of paper landed in the middle of the drawing he was sketching. He picked it up, reading the print written across it.

“PS: You drew Lance’s lips to look really kissable. Was that a stylistic choice or a personal one?”

Keith snapped the pencil in his hand in half. He rose to his feet, grabbed Shiro by the collar of the shirt, and started out of the room. Shiro went along with it, considering he’d clearly been looking for his own excuse to get out of that meeting anyway if he resorted to childish taunting.

It was hard to believe that the rest of the team still looked up to Shiro as much as they did. Sure, he was definitely Keith’s hero too, but not because he was some kind of piloting god. Keith admired him for his compassion, his morals, his drive to succeed. Keith couldn’t admire him for the superficial things anymore, not after living in Shiro’s dorm and seeing the hideous things he did.

Once they were out in the hallway Shiro immediately went back to messing with him, in the way that only older brothers could.

“I can’t believe you were lost on a space whale for two years and you still have a thing for him.”

“What, did you think I was going to fall for the whale instead? It’s not like I was out socializing the whole time, idiot.” Keith growled, shoving Shiro when he started to grin. “I don’t have a crush on him, Shiro, I never had a cr-”

“Okay, sure.” Shiro dismissed, in a way that said he clearly didn’t believe Keith. Keith sighed, running a hand through his hair. Beside him, Shiro was staring longingly to what was maybe a vending machine at the end of the hall. When he started to walk toward it, Keith grabbed his wrist and forced him to stay put where he was.

Shiro looked back at him, expression back to serious now. “Keith? Is something wrong?”

“Uh…”

“You know I was only teasing, if you really don’t want me to talk about it I won’t.” Shiro offered, his voice kind and understanding, just like it’d been the day they met and so many times after that. Keith bit his lip, deciding to just spit it out already.

“Well, _on the topic of Lance_ , I have some questions.” All the words ran together in Keith’s rush to speak them, but Shiro understood. He could tell by that damned smug look.

“Yes?”

“Is he okay? Did something happen to him?” Keith asked quietly, picking at his nails. Shiro looked caught off guard by that question, taking a step back and genuinely thinking on it.

“My memories are a little hard to access right now given it wasn’t really me that experienced all of them, but I do remember him having a hard time with Lotor being our ally. In particular, it bothered him that Allura seemed to be developing feelings for Lotor. I guess because he-”

“You don’t have to sugarcoat it, I know he likes Allura.” Keith deadpanned, rolling his eyes. That didn’t bother him anymore, he’d learned to live with it. Of course, the idea that all of Lance’s distance and sadness lately had been because of that stupid crush was certainly a little bit annoying. “So, that’s it? He was jealous for a couple months and never got over it?”

“Keith, he knows what’s going on inside his head better than I do. Ask _him_.”

“I tried, he wouldn’t budge.”

“You _tried_ to reach out to him? That’s not like you, you must be really worried.” Shiro said, eyes wide in disbelief. Keith crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged his shoulders, trying to look indifferent.

“Are you sure you can’t remember anything else?” Keith tried again, voice pleading.

“There was this one battle where he threw himself in front of Allura to protect her and a blast hit his lion directly. It was a lot of energy or something, I guess for a second his heart may have stopped beating? I don’t remember exactly, but no one made a big deal out of it so maybe I’m wrong. Allura went to him right away and revived him, maybe he was just unconscious.”

As Shiro trailed off in an attempt to remember better, Keith stood there stock still as his mind flew through the new information. At one point he started to shake, so overwhelmed by the context that’d just been given to him. Not only had Lance died, he’d died only to be revived so quickly that no one had even cared? Like that somehow made it less of a big deal?

In front of him, Shiro had started to pick up on the hectic place Keith’s mind was going and tentatively reached toward him. Keith slapped his hands away reflexively.

“ _He died_ ?” Keith hissed out, low and hurt, unable to hide how much that affected him. He took a step backward, distancing himself from Shiro as his hands wildly gestured through the air, trying to convey the mix of emotions he was feeling. “You somehow neglected to fucking remember that Lance _died_?!”

“I don’t know for sure that that’s what— _Keith, get back here!_ ” Shiro screeched, horrified the moment he realized that Keith’s infamous impulsive streak had taken the wheels again. Keith paid him no mind, charging back into the meeting room.

He didn’t care about the marshmallow people that jumped up defensively, prepared to fend off an attack. He didn’t care about Allura standing up and yelling at him. He definitely didn’t care about Shiro’s attempts to reason with him. He only cared about getting to Lance.

“Uhm…” Lance trailed off, voice cracking awkwardly as he was engulfed in a hug.

“Lance, what did you do? Why is Keith trying to kill you in the middle of a meeting?” Pidge asked, whisper-shouting the words like that would somehow make the meeting any less of a disaster. Keith ignored them, burying his face into Lance’s shoulder as tears threatened to spill.

Years spent alone on a space whale and the entire time he’d worried about getting home to his team and seeing them again. His biggest and only fear had been that they wouldn’t be there when he came back, that he’d miss his chance to be there when they needed him most. To think that that was so close to reality...

“I don’t think he’s trying to strangle me?” Lance croaked out, gingerly trying to pry Keith’s arms off of him and get some answers. Reluctantly, Keith let himself be pushed away, only once he was certain his eyes were dry. Still, the hurt must have been plain to see on his face, because the second Lance met his gaze the other boy looked swamped with worry. “Keith?”

“You died.” It was meant to be a question, but deep down Keith knew it had to be true. It was the first answer he’d managed to get that made any sense. He was starting to understand what was going on with Lance, at least on the surface.

Lance’s eyes widened like that’d been the last possible thing he’d been expecting to hear. He leaned back in his seat, chuckling awkwardly, the sound so forced it made Keith sick. Had the others made a joke out of this too? Made Lance feel guilty about how it bothered him?

“Oh.” Lance hummed, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, for like a second, it’s really not a big-”

“Lance, is anything a big deal to you right now?” Keith snapped, watching as Lance immediately flinched back and shut himself up. He leaned back in his seat, staring at Keith with wariness in his eyes. Keith sighed, trying to get a grip on his emotions so he wouldn’t push Lance even further away. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I trust your judgment.”

“What do you want me to tell you? That I’m _sorry_?” Lance asked, his tone venomous. Keith rubbed his hands over his face, feeling himself tip closer to his breaking point.

“No, _Jesus Christ_ , stop apologizing!”

“Maybe you two should take this somewhere private and talk it out.” Allura suggested loudly, her tone doing a poor job of hiding how badly she wanted to forcibly throw them both out of the meeting. Luckily for her, the thing Keith wanted to do most right now was grab Lance and get out of there.

“Yes!”

“No.” Lance deadpanned, his voice leaving no room for argument. Keith met his gaze, begging with his eyes to just let them talk it out. Lance brushed him off. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“But-”

“I’m fine, Keith. You can feel my pulse, if you want.” Lance snapped, leaning his head to the side and exposing his neck, like that would even begin to make it okay. When Keith didn’t take him up on the offer, he straightened back up and scoffed at him. “I’m here. I’m breathing. I’m okay.”

“Fine, whatever.” Keith grit out, turning on his heel and marching straight out of that stupid meeting. He hadn’t cared before and he sure as hell couldn’t find it in himself to start now.

\--

Lance knew he had a tendency to self-sabotage himself, he was almost always expecting it to happen sooner or later when he found something good. Yet, a part of him had hoped, after that day he’d spent hiking with Keith… that they would be different. Keith clearly cared about him, wanted them to go back to how they were before and maybe something more, but Lance was pretty sure he’d messed that up before they’d even really had a chance.

He was just too much to handle. Keith surely realized this now, considering how he’d been avoiding Lance ever since that terrible fight in the meeting room. It’d been all of Lance’s worst fears come to life, having someone confront him about all the things he was feeling as of late, in front of the entire team so he looked like an even bigger dramatic idiot.

No one else had been treating him any differently, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was the Keith-shaped absence that was suddenly back in his life, after only just getting used to having his friend back. He missed Keith now more than ever before, somehow.

Maybe because he could hear him through the comms everyday, so close and so far away at once.

“So, I have a few theories on how we could speed up the lions to get to Earth faster. It’ll only take a few materials, but they’re kinda hard to find.” Pidge told the team as they reached the planet they’d been headed toward, while they were just setting back out on their flight. Lance was only half paying attention, but he was trying to make an effort to listen, lest he missed the rare moments when Keith would speak up. Besides, Coran was singing in his cockpit right now and he really didn’t want to concentrate on that.

“We’ll need a volunteer to go on an expedition. It shouldn’t be anything dangerous, just time-consuming and boring. It’ll be a lot of walking, but the atmosphere is definitely safe so helmets aren’t necessary.”

“I’ll go.” Keith volunteered immediately. “I’m getting a little stir crazy.”

“Are you sure? We might need your help if we run into any trouble out here.” Allura suggested, sounding concentrated. Lance knew it was coming before she even said it. He was the expendable one, after all, that was his job.  “How about we send Lance instead?”

“Good idea!” Hunk agreed, carefully addressing him now. By now they’d clued in to the fact that Lance was hardly ever listening to what they said over the comms. “Lance?”

“I don’t mind.” Lance answered, not bothering to listen to Hunk’s explanation. He already knew what they wanted him to do anyway. He would do it, if only to have some time alone and to feel useful for once.

“I’ll go with him.” Keith spoke up, his voice determined. Lance suddenly wished there was a button on his lion to just eject him straight out into space. “We don’t have the same files that we used to for reference, as safe as this planet seems it’s probably for the best if no one goes off on their own. At least until we’re sure.”

“Alright.”

“Have fun being Lance’s babysitter, I guess.” Pidge muttered. “Don’t forget that you volunteered for this.”

“I’m sure we’ll get along fine.” Keith grit out, sounding annoyed. For once, Pidge didn’t press the issue, but the others could surely sense the tension that’d been going on ever since that meeting. It wasn’t time for them to make jokes and hope for the best. “Lance, I’ll meet you on the surface once we drop off our passengers.”

Lance exhaled loudly, but he forced himself to steer his lion toward the blue lion. He would drop Coran off and head down to the planet, if only to give Keith a list of all the reasons he definitely couldn’t go on this mission with him. Things were just too tense between them.

They landed on the planet’s surface not much later. Keith walked out onto the land, holding the machine Pidge had given him for tracking the materials they needed. Of course Lance wasn’t the one who was entrusted with the task, he was just here to tag along uselessly. He rolled his eyes, stomping up to Keith’s side. Who did Keith think he was anyway? Coming back here and acting like he could fix everything?

“You didn’t have to come with me, I could have handled it.” Lance stated first thing, trying to stand taller next to Keith in an effort to look more intimidating. It didn’t necessarily work now that Keith was the size of a small giraffe, some kind of irritating Galra perk that’d kicked in while he lived in the wild like a cave-person. Lance glared at him.

“I wanted to.” Keith said easily, not even bothering to look away from the machine. Was that how little he thought of this conversation? How unimportant it was to him?

“Keith, if you’re gonna try and talk emotions with me this whole time, I’m just gonna stay home. I know this mission is only meant to be a solo mission, you don’t need me.”

“I do need you, idiot.” Keith replied finally, passion in his words. He looked up, meeting Lance’s gaze and shocking the other boy into silence before he could attempt to respond. Keith looked so tired. There were dark rings beneath his eyes, stress lines across his face, and his eyes looked sick with worry. Lance suddenly felt a lot less angry and a lot more guilty.

“But it’s a solo mission.”

“I told you that I found everything I needed to be happy? Well, you’re one of those things. So, fuck off and just let me appreciate the fact you’re not dead… _anymore_.” Keith growled out, grabbing Lance’s sleeve and hauling him in the general direction of where they needed to go. Lance stumbled to try and keep up, both with the pace and the whirlwind of emotion. So Keith definitely still cared, that was a thing.

They slowed down eventually, when the rugged pace became unrealistic in the rocky terrain. They started to walk side-by-side, occasionally helping each other when they’d stumble. In an effort to break the ice, Lance hesitantly tried to reintroduce conversation.

“God, that was the most aggressively anyone has ever expressed affection to me.” Lance mumbled, letting out a quiet chuckle. Keith glanced over at him, the corners of his lips curling up into a smile.

“I don’t know how else to get it through your head.” Keith insisted, but there was a hint of laughter beneath the words that said he’d definitely realized how dramatic he’d been. Things between them got a little bit easier from that moment on, now that they were both willing to address how stupid their entire fight had been.

It took them awhile to find the ore they were looking for, a shining metal that seemed to glow different colors depending on the lighting. It wasn’t easy to extract either, which led to both of them fumbling with a couple of pickaxes and destroying more of it than they managed to harvest. Luckily, they didn’t need all that much.

They caught onto it eventually, but it was a slow and strenuous process.

Even Lance was starting to get bored, so he wasn’t all that surprised when Mr. Impulsive himself finally spoke up to try and kill time.

“So, let’s recap on Lance’s perspective of what happened while I was gone.” Keith suggested, as he heaved another breath and brought the pickaxe back down. Lance groaned from where he was hard at work, shaking his head vehemently.

“I’d rather not.”

“Allura broke your heart, you died and had some sort-of existential crisis, and the rest of the team has paired off without you.” Keith listed the reasons off quickly, Lance wasn’t sure how to tell him that he was only really scratching the surface. There was so much more going on, things he couldn’t hope to explain so he knew full-well that Keith would never guess. Still, Keith was making an effort, trying to fix things again despite all the setbacks Lance had given him.

After seeing what it was like to think Keith didn’t care, he definitely preferred this. Even if it meant talking about the hard topics. “You feel… useless and unimportant.”

“Mm, I love it when you psychoanalyze me.”

“Does anyone else know that there’s something going on?” Keith asked, straight to the point.

“Probably, but I don’t think they care.”

“Lance, have you tried to _tell_ anyone how you feel?”

“Yeah, I’ve tried, and they shut me down every fucking time and made a joke out of it.” Lance bit out, his anger seething behind the words. He slammed his pickaxe into the rock in front of him, not at all surprised when he splintered and ruined the precious ore they were harvesting.

He turned to Keith then, wiping the sweat from his brow. “Stop acting like the problem is just some miscommunication. I’m the weakest link and they’ve all realized it. They don’t care about me. They probably creamed their pants when you came back, thinking they’d get the _real_ red paladin back.”

“I care about you.” Keith stated, so plain and certain that it was impossible for Lance to turn around in his mind into something else. Lance groaned, overwhelmed by the flurry of mixed emotions it brought on.

“Would you please just stop? I don’t want to think about this.”

“So, what? You’re planning on keeping this bottled up forever?”

“Yep.”

“You don’t see the flaws in that plan whatsoever?”

“Nope.”

“Lance, I’ve been where you are. I know it seems like it’ll be easier to not address how you feel, but that just gives those emotions more power over you. The more you talk about them, the-”

“Look, _Keith_ , I know you got your happily ever after and you’re high on life right now. That’s fine, I’m happy for you, man, I really am. I just need you to understand that I’m not you and my problems don’t have a simple solution. There aren’t puzzle piece shaped holes in my life that’ll be filled when I find what I’m looking for.” The words were coming almost too easily now that Lance had started talking about it, already he was desperately wishing he’d kept his mouth shut and that he could take it back.

“I never said any of that.”

“I know, but that’s what I’m hearing right now. My mind just interprets everything the wrong way and ruins everything for me.” Lance sighed out in frustration, dropping his pickaxe and settling on the ground instead. He wiped the dirt next to him and Keith carefully came to settle there. He sat so quietly and patiently, not at all pressuring Lance to continue.

And as much as Lance hated himself for what he’d already let slip, the desire to say more was so strong it was blinding. He’d needed to talk about this for so long and no one had ever let him. He was sure his only option was dealing with it on his own.

“I’m the problem. I’m the thing that ruins other people’s lives until I’m fixed. _I’m_ the hole that needs to be filled— _no homo_ —with the right puzzle piece.” Lance said carefully, trying to articulate his thoughts even as Keith stared at him, utterly lost.

“What?” Keith asked. His didn’t sound judgmental like Lance had expected him to, instead he sounded kind and understanding even through his confusion. It was clear that he didn’t get it yet, but he wanted to. He was the first person in so long who had wanted to listen to what Lance had to say, who openly gave him a platform and encouraged it.

Lance sniffed, fighting off the urge to cry by tipping his head back.

“I’m like a puzzle piece from an entirely different puzzle that someone crammed into a spot it didn’t belong and just would _not_ take no for an answer. I’m wrong and fucked up and I probably won’t even fit into my _own_ puzzle now because my corners are all bent up and-”

“Lance, breathe.” Keith urged gently, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. Lance wasn’t sure when he’d failed and the tears had started to fall, but they certainly had. He wiped his sleeves across his face, ignoring how gross it was. Keith was silent next to him, giving him time to sort himself out.

Lance didn’t know where to go from there though, so he just looked hopefully toward Keith. Keith smiled back at him and suddenly all of those things he’d just gotten off his chest felt a little bit less consuming.

“For the record, I think you fit just fine… _no homo_.” Keith whispered. Lance’s straight face broke in an instant and he was torn between laughing or crying.

“Don’t make me laugh or I’ll start crying, you dick!”

“You said it first!”

“I don’t even know if I _want_ to fit in anymore, it feels like I was only fooling myself this whole time. I’m not a hero, I wasn’t even ready to be an astronaut let alone whatever the fuck we are now. I just… I should have stayed home. I should have shredded my Garrison acceptance letter and studied to be a massage therapist or some shit.”

“I thought being in outer space was your dream.” Keith prompted, reaching up to tuck Lance’s hair back behind his ear, showing off his tear-stained face. Lance leaned into the touch, despite every instinct in his chest screaming at him to shy away and lock Keith out. He needed this.

“It was! It is. I guess. I don’t know.” Lance’s confusion showed through plainly in his words. “Everything is too much and not enough all at once. I can’t even pretend that it’ll all be fixed when I go home because it won’t be the _same_. I won’t be able to step back into my life like it never changed, this is who I am now. And I hate him.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I used to be homesick for a place, but now I’m homesick for a different life.” Lance admitted, grateful when Keith wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “It’s the worst kind of homesick. I don’t even know where I want to be, only that it’s not here.”

Silence fell over them, but Lance had expected that. That wasn’t the kind of thing that was easy to respond to, that anyone could comfort him through. There weren’t really words that’d make it better anyway, not that he knew of. There wasn’t some phrase that he was just dying to hear. He didn’t want someone to tell him that it’d all turn out okay, in his current state of mind he wouldn’t come close to believing it.

It was enough to just say it, to get it off his chest after holding it in for so long.

He didn’t really expect Keith to be the one to keep the conversation moving along, considering how socially inept he’d always known him to be. It was an incredibly difficult topic to cover and of course Keith was bound to flounder a bit. It was enough that he was trying, that he was here listening.

Of course, being the sweet person he was, he had to try anyway.

“Hey, if I’m the Ted Talk of this friendship?” Keith started, grinning as Lance turned to face him in utter confusion. “Then you are the slam poetry. Good job trying to articulate that.”

“Are you making fun of me? At a time like this?” Lance snorted, burying his face into Keith’s neck. He felt it when Keith laughed, low and hearty, filled with warmth. It was the most bizarre thing, how Keith could make fun of him and he’d feel like he was on cloud nine, when Pidge and Hunk could tear him down so low with the same methods.

He leaned in closer, wrapping his arms around his friend’s torso. “Why does it feel nice when you do it?”

“Hm?”

“It’s just… lately I can’t talk to Pidge and Hunk without them making fun of me. It’s like they don’t even hear what I’m saying because they’re already trying to find a way to spin it into a joke. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy they’re getting closer and I know they don’t mean to hurt me, it just sucks. It sucks so badly. I feel so stupid. And alone.” Lance explained, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “I guess I know that they care about me, in theory, if I died they’d probably be sad. I don’t feel important or valued to anyone on the team, but the worst part is I can’t tell if that’s because I’m being dramatic. Like maybe I’m taking their jokes too personal, maybe I-”

“Would you stop trying so hard to invalidate yourself?!”

“What?” Lance asked, feeling nervous the second Keith’s frustration started to show through.

“It’s bad enough that you feel awful, but why are you picking it apart and trying to make yourself feel awful _about_ feeling awful? It doesn’t matter what their intentions are, it doesn’t change how it’s impacting you.”

“But-”

“You’re allowed to be sad, or even mad. _I_ would be mad if people were treating me like that.”

“I don’t _want_ to be mad at them. I care about them too much.” Lance sighed. Inside his head he could feel his thoughts shifting though, all the blame he’d been placing on himself suddenly seeming a lot more stupid than it had all along. Of course, it wasn’t a fix-all, he had a lifetime of feeling inferior and insecure to work through. Still… it made all the difference having someone who loved him unconditionally in his life again.

“So you’re just gonna be mad at yourself instead?”

“Yup, guess so.” Lance laughed, trying to make a joke out of it. Keith wasn’t having any of that. He held Lance closer to his chest, shaking his head fondly.

“Well, I care about you too much to let anyone pick on you, yourself or otherwise.” He promised, staring up at the stars over their heads. “I guess we’re at a standstill.”

\--

It was much later, after hauling most of the ore back to their lions, that they really had a chance to stop moving and talk again. They were settled on the ground outside their lions, on top of a draped out blanket, eating their meals at a makeshift picnic of sorts. It started out a joke on Lance’s part, but the joke quickly went too far until they were actually sat there like two lovers on a date.

The most shocking part of all was how natural it felt. Even as Keith made a point to obnoxiously pour Lance’s drinks whenever his cup would empty, and at one point Lance leaned over to dramatically wipe a napkin across Keith’s upper lip, it all came easily to them. They laughed through it all. Lance felt better than he had in a long time. He wasn’t sure if it was a dumb act anymore or if at some point it’d started to become real. It didn’t matter.

Instead of rushing to finish the mission before nightfall, they stretched out across the blanket after eating and talked under the guise of stargazing. They barely even glanced at the night sky once, they were so busy staring at each other. Keith told Lance about his experiences over the past few years, Lance told Keith about his family back home and didn’t let himself feel guilty about oversharing.

Keith let out a hearty yawn, throwing his hand out haphazardly and cursing when it landed in the discarded food from their meal. Lance giggled like a fool and Keith kicked him gently, no real venom behind it. He was too sleepy and content to truly care.

“So, before I pass out, is there anything else you wanted to talk about?” Keith asked, reaching out to poke Lance. Lance gave an indignant squawk and swatted him away.

“Not really? We talked about everything you mentioned.”

“Not everything.”

“Huh?”

“You and Allura?” Keith asked, voice almost bashful. Lance stared at him in disbelief, studying the pink that’d started to darken his cheeks. He was so damned predictable all of the sudden, Lance couldn’t believe he’d never realized before now.

“Oh, right, my passionate love affair that happened while you were away.” Lance sighed wistfully, peeking at Keith out of the corner of his eye. Keith did not look impressed.

“Is this you joking to hide your pain or joking to cause me pain?”

“A bit of both?” Lance laughed. Keith snorted. “Kidding, kidding. I mean, it did hurt at first, but you got the scenario a little bit wrong. The princess never broke my heart.”

“No?” Keith hummed, clearly struggling to stay awake so he could hear what Lance had to say on the matter. He smirked deviously then, his inhibitions much lower when he was tired. “Oh, let me guess, loverboy Lance broke hers and everyone else just _misunderstood_.”

“No. She never had feelings for me, I couldn’t have broken her heart.” Lance dismissed easily. For a second, concern flashed across Keith’s features. It looked like he was on the verge of trying to comfort Lance, so things were a bit rushed along. “And I never had feelings for her!”

“Excuse me?” Keith croaked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes, as if he’d just dreamt that interaction. It was beyond Lance how people thought he was the dramatic one.

“Not real feelings, anyway.” Lance clarified with a shrug. When Keith continued to stare at him like he’d grown a second head, Lance decided to spell it out a little clearer. “I just wanted to be in love so badly. It didn’t matter who it was, anyone who I thought had  a hope in hell of feeling the same. Allura was really the only person around who even seemed like an option, who was even the slightest bit nice to me, so I latched on. I wanted a happy ending so badly, but it stopped being real from my end early on. I knew she didn’t want me, but I just couldn’t let it go. I had nothing else to turn to.”

This was probably the longest silence they’d encountered all night. Lance was acutely aware of how hard Keith was thinking next to him, like his mind had just been blown. Lance smirked to himself, risking a glance over at Keith. The poor boy looked utterly lost.

“I guess I get that.” Keith said finally, his tone contemplative. “It’s not exactly the same scenario, but I do understand that feeling.”

“Have you ever been in love?” Lance asked, because at this point he was pretty damn sure he knew the answer to that question. He just wanted to hear Keith say it. The confirmation would feel so sweet.

“Yeah.” Keith whispered, his voice going soft, filled with reverence.

“Oh? Was it a sexy cowboy from Texas?” Lance pried, a niggling little smile curving his lips.

“No, it’s not like that.” Keith groaned, running a hand through his hair. At this point Lance had to wonder if he was trying to be subtle or if he knew they were both on the same page. “It’s not some dramatic and passionate thing. It’s not the sort-of thing people write love stories about. It’s just… there. All the time, that same strong feeling is always there when I think about it. It’s like coming home, no matter where I am.”

“Did you think about them the whole time you were stranded on the space whale?” Lance asked, light and teasing. What he wasn’t expecting was for Keith to turn to him in utter seriousness, eyes all big and doe-like, filled with obvious affection that he wasn’t even bothering to try and hide. Lance gulped, feeling his heart thud heavily in his chest.

“Yeah.” Keith breathed, reaching over to cup Lance’s face. “It doesn’t really compare to being with him, but it made it a little easier.”

“I’m sorry, am I misreading something here? Are you talking about little old _me_?” Lance gasped fakely, batting his eyelashes. Keith groaned, hand dropping from Lance’s face as he turned away, obviously questioning his life choices.

“No, you’re definitely confused.”

“Keith! You’re supposed to play along!” Lance laughed, scrambling after Keith as the other attempted to get to his feet and walk away. He ended up tugging Keith back down by the wrist then latching onto him, wrapping his limbs around Keith’s torso and clinging on. “What the hell kinda confession was that?! If I tell this story to my parents play-by-play they’re gonna know you’re an asshole.”

“I told you, it’s not dramatic. I don’t want a big story to tell people.” Keith huffed, blushing like a fool now that they were talking about it more directly. Lance stared at him, fascinated by how hard Keith was trying, how out of his element he seemed. “It doesn’t have to be a big deal. I don’t even want things to change between us really, so if you don’t feel the same that’s fine. I’m happy with how things are. It just felt weird not telling you, I wanted you to know. I never had the guts to say it before, but I’ve had a couple years to think on it. It feels more important now, after the distance. The idea of never getting a chance to say it is so much worse than the fear of rejection.”

“You’re serious.” Lance breathed, shaking his head in disbelief. Keith dutifully avoided his gaze, looking anywhere else as he stuttered out a proper confession.

“Yeah, I really, um, like you.”

“No, not about that.” Lance corrected quickly, patting Keith on the head. Keith glowered at him despite their close proximity, Lance grinned back at him. “You seriously think you could tell me something like that and nothing would change? That I wouldn’t feel the same?”

“ _Do you_?” Keith asked, urgency seeping into his tone. Lance leaned in closer, resting their foreheads together and staring into Keith’s eyes. This wasn’t everything he needed to fix what was wrong inside of him, but it was certainly a start. This was the most he’d felt in a long time and if Keith could make this a pattern, he’d tell that boy what he wanted to hear over and over again.

“Yeah.” Lance assured him, pressing a quick peck to his lips. Keith’s eyes were still scrunched close when Lance pulled back an inch, taking in the beautifully flustered expression. “I never knew what we were so I never set my sights on anything in particular. I always thought you were cute and infuriatingly charming at times, but I never thought I’d be able to act on those thoughts.”

“Surprise! You can!” Keith muttered, cracking an eye open. “Does that mean you’re gonna kiss me properly now or is that moving too fast?”

“With everything I’ve got going on and the whole Allura disaster, you would think it would be. Maybe it is, I don’t know. It just feels right, being with you. Like this is where I should have been all along.” Lance mused, purposely drawing it out now just to toy with Keith’s impatience. Maybe Keith thought it didn’t have to be dramatic, but Lance had always pictured a dramatic movie-style love story for himself and he was gonna get it.

“So, that’s a yes to the kiss?” Keith tried again, flashing his most convincing smile. Lance reached up between them, gripping Keith’s jaw. He watched as the other boy’s eyes fluttered closed again, his lips pouting out expectantly. Inexperienced, but so eager.

“Desperate much?”

“Years stranded on a space whale thinking about this very moment, thanks.” Keith reminded him plainly, reaching up to thread his fingers through Lance’s hair and yank him down. Their lips crashed together a little too forcefully and they both recoiled, only to bounce back just as quickly all over again.

Maybe it was bound to be a bit messy, considering how touch-starved and desperate they both were for this moment. It wasn’t exactly the fairy tale perfect kiss Lance had been hoping for, but it was something unique and innately special just to them. Keith gripping Lance’s face between his hands and pulling him closer, impatiently slipping his tongue past Lance’s lips. The inevitable moment when Lance’s hands wandered from Keith’s chest up to his hair, threading through that damned shaggy mess he’d tried so hard not to love. They kissed much like they’d fought in the beginning, fueled with passion and a constant back and forth fight to come out on top.

Hell, by the end of it it basically was a fight, as they rolled around on the sheet they’d laid out. The only reason they finally pulled apart was because Keith had somehow managed to elbow Lance in the gut, which resulted in them both bursting into laughter until it was impossible to keep the kiss going.

“Wow.” Lance chuckled, leaning back to run his eyes over Keith’s disheveled form beneath him. Keith’s hair was a complete mess and his lips were swollen and bitten red, but more important than any of that was the undeniable warmth radiating off of him in waves. His eyes were filled with it, affection so strong Lance felt floored by it.

Keith eventually tired of his staring and reached up, haphazardly splaying his hand across Lance’s face to block his eyes. Lance smirked, licking across Keith’s palm and earning a shriek of disgust. Keith writhed underneath him in an attempt to get away and Lance pinned him to the ground, kissing all over his face and neck.

The simple knowledge that this was only the first of many times he’d be able to do this hit Lance all at once then, and he was overwhelmed by just how strongly he felt. He almost wanted to cry from pure, unadulterated happiness.

He grinned, pulling Keith into a fake hug only to get him in a headlock instead, purposely messing up his hair now. Keith pulled away looking like a disgruntled baby lion. “Things are looking up all of the sudden, I think you just cured my depression.”

Lance watched as Keith ran his fingers across his lips, looking dazed. Just as his ego started to inflate a little bit, a smug comment on the tip of his tongue, Keith landed a lethal blow.

“Sadly, I think you were a better kisser in all of my fantasies.” Keith sighed, low and disappointed, a hint of playfulness poorly hidden behind it. Lance gasped so hard he choked on the air he inhaled, lunging toward Keith like a man on a mission.

“You little shit! I’ll show you better kissing!”

“That doesn’t even make sense!”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote all of this in one sitting. I spent my entire day writing this. It started out a vent fic and then I just kept adding to it bc if no one in canon is gonna comfort Lance, SOMEONE has to rise to the task and it's gonna be me. Sometimes, it just do be like dat. 
> 
> Also the more clips I see of Hunk/Pidge making snide comments at Lance's expense the more I think about times I've been in similar situations. I feel like everyone's had those friends who take jokes too far or or just make you feel unimportant in general? They don't realize they're being hurtful, but if you speak up you know you'll be the jerk for making a big deal out of it. Obviously, they're not very good friends to have, but here's HOPING that Hunk/Pidge will be nicer in canon and apologize!! And I hope if you're dealing with anything similar it gets better soon!
> 
> If you liked this absolutely do n o t check out my social medias. Don't do it. It'll ruin the immersion. You'll realize the author is a loser. I'm a dirty memer, a monster fucker, a furry. Trust me, it's better if you don't. I love you and because of this, I'm BEGGING you not to click the links below.
> 
> https://twitter.com/MelancholyMango  
> http://melancholymango.tumblr.com


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